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Health & Fitness

A Holiday Memory-A Lesson Learned

 I thought I would share a personal experience this week in order to also share a holiday lesson I learned that I will carry with me for all of my days. Hopefully, this lesson will be heard by those who read this blog.

While working in an assisted living home 7 years ago, I had a resident who had dementia and was very confused. We will call her Anne.

Anne used to come in my office on a daily basis and spend the day with me because I was a familiar face to her. She did not know my name, but she sure knew my face.

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She would take my children’s photos off of my desk and put them in her walker basket and show all of the residents pictures of “her grandchildren”. Many of the residents were not tolerant of Anne and they would yell at her telling her that those are not her grandchildren.

During the month of December, I would bring in my guitar and play holiday songs for the residents. Anne would tell the same story over and over again about how her father taught her to play the mandolin when she was a little girl. She would say how she used to play in a group of musicians and it made her so happy. She even met her husband who had long passed, through playing the mandolin in this group.

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 So one holiday season, I thought to myself, I wonder what would happen if Anne had access to a mandolin? Would she pick it up and play it? Would it bring back these wonderful memories that she shares daily and bring her some happiness? Anne was depressed often and deserved to have a little light of happiness in her life.

Yes! That’s the answer! I will find her a mandolin! It will make everything better and bring her some much needed joy!

I searched on eBay and found a reasonably priced mandolin and a basic chord book to reintroduce to Anne. When it arrived, I was so excited. I wrapped it up in beautiful holiday paper and ribbon to get her excited about opening it.

I called her in my office early one December morning and got us both a cup of hot chocolate. We shared a few memories about Christmas and I gave her the gift that I thought would cheer her up!

As Anne opened her gift she was very excited! “What can it be?”

Once she opened the mandolin and took it out of the case, her eyes were bright and she touched the mandolin softly, feeling the wood and the strings.

She looked at me, then looked at the mandolin and started crying. At first I thought they were tears of joy.

I was wrong.

Anne was experiencing many memories as I imagined, but she was reminded of the fact that her father was no longer here to play music with her, she was reminded of her husband’s passing and she was reminded that she was no longer able to play the way she once did.

The lesson that I learned is that not all folks who are suffering from dementia, have only happy holiday memories. We can never be prepared for which memories will be sparked during the holidays. Christmas carols and even love songs may spark sadness and grief in some.  For those who’ve lost spouses, this time of year may only remind them that their loved one is no longer with them. For those who used to sing or play an instrument, the realization that they can no longer physically do the things that they used to, could make them very sad. Sometimes the memories that are recalled during the holidays are not happy ones.

The moral of the story is not everything you read online and learn in books is the “right approach” for every person with dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease.  What works for someone with dementia today may not have the same outcome the next time we try it just because the behavior or emotion is the same.

As caregivers, we must be careful of how we approach the holiday season and realize that for some seniors being alone during the holiday is very sad for them.

 The Geriatric Mental Health Foundation offers a toolkit to recognize and help caregivers help their loved ones deal with late in life depression. If you are caring for an aging loved one at home and your loved one has any chance of wandering or are no longer safe at home,  call your local senior advisor to discuss options for the near future.

Related Links:

The Geriatric Mental Health Foundation


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