How Can I Keep My Children Stable During My Divorce?

As a New Jersey Custody and Divorce Lawyer, I know it is essential to give my clients' guidance in many respects. 

Providing a “road map” for our legal strategy and facilitating informed decisions consistent with applicable NJ divorce laws are obvious examples.  However, my office also understands that we must assist our client’s with coping skills to help them get through this difficult time of family crisis. 

My personal favorite issue to discuss is how to best protect the best interests and welfare of their children. 

Earlier this week I met with a client whose divorce case had just begun but she and her husband had already separated.  During our chat, she expressed concern for the children because the “family routine” has been seriously disrupted. 

Here are the tips that I had recommended to her:

1. Minimize any and all disruptions to the kids’ daily routines. 
This ranges from baseball or soccer practice to maintaining their normal sleep schedule. Absent an unfortunate situation wherein one of the parents is unable to be involved, (i.e., a serious substance abuse problem, a restraining order, etc.) both mom and dad should continue to be involved with the children. 

This ranges from happy times like a day at the beach to exhibiting a unified front when the child must be disciplined.

2. Never argue or discuss divorce or custody issues in the presence of the children.   
This is a good time to have family members (from both sides of the family) to visit with your children.  When they are surrounded by loved ones that they have known their entire lives, your children shall feel more grounded and stable. 

3. I saved one of my favorites for last - the family meal. 
In today’s hectic world, it is difficult enough for intact families to eat meals together.  However, during this time of transition, I deem it to be fundamental for the parent and the children to make this happen. 

No cell phone, IPads, or anything or the sort allowed during the meal.  This is a time to discuss everyone’s day, school projects or an upcoming family outing.  The kids may even want to discuss the changes that are occurring in the family and how it is affecting them.  This is an excellent blog by Patricia Phelan Clapp, M.A. discussing how she handled her first few months as a “single mom” by continuing their traditional “family meal,” in order to provide her children with stability during divorce.

Finally, I once had a case where a 12 year-old son was suddenly acting out at school.  The parents were called into school to discuss the matter.  After the meeting, their son (who was in the waiting area while his parents were in the meeting) politely asked his parents (who were not speaking to each other at that time of their high conflict divorce) if they would BOTH take them out to dinner. 

The two parents looked at each other, sighed and then the three of them went out for a bite. 

The next time I spoke to my client, this story was shared and mom beamed as she told me how much better their son was suddenly doing.   All told, that little boy just needed to see their mom and dad being civil to each other, like it “used to be.” 

They took the high road, put their child first, and everyone was a winner.

For more information, please visit our website at www.weinsteinlawoffice.com

When your family is in crisis, you need an expert by your side to walk you through the legal process. At the Law Offices of Edward R. Weinstein, our mission is to aggressively protect your rights with great compassion for your individual circumstances.