Sparking new light..... in VEGAS

As I write this I am sitting on a plane headed for Las Vegas. Originally, this trip was meant to be not only the celebration of, but the actual event of my wedding. But now, it is for a very different reason. See, about a month and a half ago, my fiancé told me he was leaving me and, less than a week later, he and 95% of his things were gone. The reason for his leaving was entirely his and the purpose of this entry is not to go into detail about that. Additionally as much as I would like to put those reasons out there for the world to see, this is also the man I spent 7 years and 364 days with and, while I feel very different for him now, to air out that dirty laundry would disrespect the time that we did have together. That being said, I am writing this to remind people who take the time to read this that, while we cannot not always control what happens, what we can have some sort of control over is our reaction to it. When my ex told me he was leaving, I'll admit it, I was destroyed. Mentally, physically and emotionally destroyed. My physical reaction to the news was so much that I thought I would have to call an ambulance.... no I'm not kidding. The days that followed were painful. I went from a state of confusion and daze to uncontrollable sobbing to OCD like house cleaning. But, as a dear friend advised me too, I let every emotion wash over me and just happen. I let them knock me over like the waves in the ocean and then hug me like a blanket. But I let them happen. I didn't hold them back. I didn't fight them. And as time went on, the "symptoms" got better... Because I let my body, my mind and my spirit experience them. I chose not to hide them and in doing so, I was healing myself.... even though it didn't feel like it at the time. I also made a decision not to let myself succumb to anger. Sure there were times were I got angry at situations, and still do quite honestly, but I chose not to fill my heart with an overall sense of anger. I knew it wouldn't do any good, mentally and especially physically, and it wouldn't help me heal. That does not mean that I am not disappointed and hurt. Because I am. EXTREMELY. Here is the thing though. Anger is fleeting. It's like a flash in a pan. Many times people even forget why they are angry. Disappointment is forever. When you are disappointed in someone, that will travel with you for a lifetime and will teach you many lessons, if you let it. Anger will only cause more grief, especially for yourself. So whether it be a big event or something simple like rush hour traffic, we can not control stress or those things that cause it. I actually stopped using the phrase "stress management" because how can we manage something we cannot control? What we can control is how we react to it. We can chose to take 10, even 5 seconds to take a nice inhale and exhale before we react to something. Taking those seconds out of your day to breathe are much more affordable then a lifetime of guilt for saying or doing something you regret. So Mary, what now? I am going to keep reminding myself that I am in control of my reaction to what happens to me. And right now, I chose to go to Vegas and celebrate my new life with the people I love and who I know love me and think I'm pretty awesome. Because let's face it friends, this life is way too short to hold on to anger and to live a life holding on to that heavy burden is just plain torture. So I am going to listen to my favorite songs, enjoy some delicious food and keep dancing along the way. Because the alternative, that is just not fun at all. Even though the movie ended much differently, I think this quote from Gross Point Blank sums it up for me: "Some people say forgive and forget. Nah, I don't know. I say forget about forgiving and just accept. And... get the hell out of town." Be well dear friends. Until next time....